[What a pretty shade of pink Gepard turns when he's upset! That and his adorable response, like shoving more pastry into his face is going to stop him from having to talk, or will stop him from blushing like a schoolgirl. It really is a bit of a shock that no one has snatched up such a good-looking and amusing man, that he isn't wrapped around the finger of some pretty thing who likes to tease him.]
[He's imagining some lady, of course, because Gepard only seems to respond to his flirting with bewildered offense. And while that's not a surefire test as to whether a man is interested in other men or not, it's a data point to the contrary.]
If it would cause so many problems, I guess you'll just have to make sure that you won't ever need my help, right?
[He places a hand dramatically over his heart.] Otherwise, I'll have to start following you into the Fragmentum to keep an eye on you. But don't worry, you won't even know that I'm there! Not until I have to do the whole saving the day thing, at least.
[He could do it. He's an Emanator, there isn't much in the Fragmentum that would really give him pause. He could handle a few monsters, especially if they try to make mincemeat out of his handsome meal ticket.]
[...okay, now he knows Figaro's just...joking around, not serious about any of this, and he feels...stupid, for having gotten worked up over a joke. Getting worked up over something that won't happen, letting himself imagine, for a moment, being carried to safety in the warm arms of a mysterious rogue.]
Very funny.
[Because what kind of person could talk about crawling inside of the Fragmentum with the same ease someone else would talk about pissing in a public toilet? What sort of person could hide undetected up until the point that he was needed to save the day? No one, that's who.
...it's fine. A joke for a joke.]
If you do end up saving me I'll be sure to show my appreciation. I have enough sway - I'll convince the Supreme Guardian to throw a parade in your honor. [Belobog's appreciation more than his appreciation, but same difference.]
[No one but Sampo Koski, that is. But Gepard is lacking that key piece of information, that bit about being an Emanator, because Sampo's on such a backwater planet that they don't know about how the whole blood-drinking thing is connected to Aeons yet. They apparently haven't gotten the news that being an Emanator also involves drinking people juice. But that's fine, it works in Sampo's favor most of the time.]
[Let Gepard think that it's a joke, up until the very moment that he thinks his ticket is punched and there's a handsome rogue there at the very last second. Perfect timing, right on script.]
Oh, no, nothing like that, that's not my style. [He waves a hand dismissively.] All that vanity! It's kind of gauche, isn't it? I'd prefer cold, hard cash. I'm sure you could convince your Supreme Guardian to give me a nice reward for saving her favorite captain!
[For him to have that much sway with her, that he'd joke about how she'd do as he asks... maybe he's aiming high with his affections, and that's why no one else has snapped him up. Well, good for him for being ambitious. From what little he's seen of her, Miss Bronya would be a nice catch for anybody, especially a well-born captain.]
[...there's something- it's what he should have expected. He shouldn't feel...upset, it's what makes sense. It makes sense. He should have expected it. He should've expected that a criminal (as someone who was so free with assault) would be interested in profit. He probably had, just had been distracted by the coffee and the pastry and the flirting.
So, Gepard settles back into...well, being himself. Captain Gepard Landau. He knows how to be himself. So, really, this is just business as usual, which is what he should've done instead of-
Anyway. Anyway, Gepard takes another drink of the coffee, slow and measured, and reminds himself that he's sitting across from a criminal - one who deserves to not starve, one who deserves to not be hungry, one who's- anyway. Anyway.]
There's easier ways to make money than to stalk me everywhere I go in the hopes I get into an accident, Figaro.
[And what he should do: finish breakfast, change back into his clothes, report, see a doctor, and go about his day. He'll have to figure out a way to feed Figaro, but that can wait until later, at leisure. And that's not even getting into the mounds of paperwork waiting for him, or the fact he simply can't announce, "The criminal has been caught no more people will be attacked!" He'll still have to do patrols, and-
Gepard bites back a curse, more of an inhaled breath than it is a noise, and gets to stuffing the pastry in his mouth.]
We should work out plans before I go. I'll inevitably have to do patrols to catch you - that might be the best opportunity for us to meet up in the future for your feeding.
[You know, something relatively impersonal - business, not pleasure.]
[He'd really rather that his meal ticket didn't lose any blood. That's literally taking food out of his mouth, after all, and the Captain is a kind of charming man. He'd hate to see that pretty face get marked up by some nasty beastie.]
[But if he did have to step in, and they're talking about rewards from grateful Supreme Guardians, well... he might as well get paid.]
Give me your phone, I'll put my number in. [Aren't you lucky, Gepard? You get to have his number. You can text him whenever you want.] We can coordinate whenever you're on patrol.
[Have a lively little chase, get Gepard away from the rest of his men, and Sampo can nip in for his meal. It's like having a lunch date, except that if anyone found out about it, there would be a lot of very difficult questions.]
Ah, if you're going to chase after me, I'll have to be in disguise when I bring your meals. Otherwise, if one of your guardsmen sees me while on patrol with you, I'll never be allowed near you again. They'll just try to arrest me on sight!
[He doesn't respond at first, at least not with words. What Gepard does do is stare at Figaro, give him the once-over, just up and down him. He then reaches for his pocket, where his phone is, with all the calm composure of a Silvermane Captain deciding to work with an informant, which is how he's going to treat this.
Gepard then pats his pocket. He then glances down with alarm, because where the hell is his phone, and then he remembers the events of the last 24 hours. The restful sleep in the terrible bed. The fact he's wearing a strange man's clothes. Gepard touches his neck, he remembers the biting thing. He looks at Figaro again.]
...I don't have my phone with me. [It's really hard to act like a Silvermane Captain when he fails basic things like that.] In fact, I'm pretty sure...hold on.
[He gets up from the table-] Wait right here. [-retreats back to the bedroom, finds his stuff, fishes his wallet out from his normal clothes, and flips through it as he walks back in and settles back in his seat like they're friends and Figaro's not just in it for the benefits.]
Ah. [Ah. That gets slid across the table to Figaro.] I even was issued a fake ID...in case something like last night happened, but I didn't feel like cooperating with the suspect. See? [The identification proclaims that the owner is one Johan Smith. No picture, and he's two inches shorter than the information on the card, and the information implies that he's five years older than he actually is, but it's functional enough and reusable.] But I can write down my number for you?
[It doesn’t seem like an entirely good idea for Gepard to have gone out on a honeypot mission without any method of getting into contact with his backup, but hey, what does Sampo know about these kinds of things? It would’ve probably spared his sisters some worry, though.]
[Gepard returns with no phone but with a fake ID, and Sampo takes a look at it for a moment. It’s a convincing fake, of course, because it’s not really a forgery— has all the watermarks and security features of a real government-issued identification card. It’s just falso info, a man who doesn’t really exist.]
Well, I guess it wouldn’t make sense for you to be walking around with your badge in your pocket.
[Sampo takes out his own phone and opens up a new contact prompt, entering the name in as New Snack. Maybe one day he’ll get upgraded to Tasty New Snack.]
Just tell me your number and I’ll add you in.
[Sorry, Captain, he doesn’t trust you enough to hand his phone over to you.]
[Even if he had it would've been a burner phone and the last thing he needs would be to have to explain who this Figaro guy is to Pela or anyone else. No. It's fine if he takes one for the team, they could learn from his mistakes, do a better job at patrols, he signed up for it knowing it's dangerous, and so forth and so on.
But that's besides the point. The point is that he had expected something like writing down his number on a piece of paper and Figaro later, at leisure, putting into his phone. He hadn't expected being immediately added to his contacts. More importantly, though, Gepard peers...
...at the phone case. (Look.)]
Is that you on it?
[That sure looks like a cartoon Figaro on a bike with a bomb on his head! This is besides the point, but when the hot dude with unique dietary restrictions does something like that, it gets your attention, okay?]
Is that a bomb? [He gestures for Figaro to tilt it up so he can get a better look at it because somehow, he hadn't expected this? He wasn't sure what he had expected, perhaps something more barren and inhospitable like the hideaway they were in, not something...charming.]
[Really, Gepard's scrutinizing his phone case now? That's the important thing that he's focusing on, not giving his contact information to his new partner-in-crime or worrying about what he's going to tell his guardsmen and his sisters about where he's been all night?]
What, can't a guy have a cute thing? A lot of people have personalized phone cases.
[His does happen to have a little cartoon picture of himself on a scooter with a bomb, but he's allowed to have whatever he wants on his phone case. It's a free city-state or whatever the hell Belobog counts as.]
Aren't you supposed to be giving me your number now?
[Focus, Gepard. Give the attractive vampire man your phone number so that he can send you text messages and call you for totally platonic and food-related reasons.]
[In his defense, it's a rather charming and surprisingly personal phone case for a guy with a dietary problem and a background full of mysteries. It makes him want to ask questions? Like why a scooter. Why a bomb. Or tell Figaro about how his last phone case got crushed, and the phone with it, so Gepard replaced it with a case that resembled armor. Officially, he said it was because he liked the design, and...well, he did. But unofficially, he also wanted to get a case that would be good luck and hopefully ward off any other...
...accidents.
But then Figaro says that and he glances at him, and Gepard blushes, blinking like he's a child who was caught with his hand in a cookie jar. Give phone number to marginally acceptable vampire man, get out, reestablish boundaries, keep calls and texts to strictly business and impersonal reasons, yes, he remembers.]
Oh. Right.
[He wants to say, "My sister Lynx has a phone case that has the three of us - I've got two sisters- the three of us as cats. She looked up what a Gepard was and it's apparently some kind of quick giant cat that went extinct when the Eternal Freeze happened?" Or something like that. But no, he has to focus. Now is not the time to share personal anecdotes.]
Sorry. My number is [insert number here. And then he hesitates, before glancing towards the outdoors. Because it's late. He slept past his normal morning hour.] I should leave...if I stay too much later it'll cause even more problems for you, and you've already got more than enough as is without me adding to them.
[If Gepard did tell him that-- about his little sister's adorable phone case-- he would find it charming, probably. Very cute that his little sister thinks of him so fondly, a soft spot in the armor of the illustrious guard captain. And useful information, because the good Captain might be a tentative ally to him now, but that doesn't mean that he always will be, and information is a vital resource. Who knows when a little familial knowledge about Gepard would come in handy? Maybe it never would, but it's better to have.]
[And maybe Gepard's better off not telling him too much just yet. Maybe it would be wiser for him not to immediately trust the blood-sucking parasite that he's decided to aid.]
Got it! I'll send you a text. [He shoots one off, just a simple Hi ;) so that Gepard will have his number when he retrieves his phone again.]
Aha, don't I know it. [Problems galore, Captain, you don't know the half of it. But that's for Sampo to know and Gepard to... probably never find out, if he can help it. The good Captain doesn't need to know about all the weirdness that happens to Figaro.] We can talk later about our game plan, right? Ol' Figaro is just a phone call away. You shouldn't keep your men waiting, though, otherwise they'll have a lot of questions for you!
[And so, Gepard goes, absolutely 100% not at all disappointed that Figaro didn't want him to stay longer (it's practical if he leaves sooner rather than later, the fact he slept over was irresponsible in the first place, this is why a man should never think with his dick) and bowing to inevitibility. He does look behind, and he does give Figaro a completely and totally normal small wave if Figaro's looking, just friendly, like they always do this all the time.
He arrives back at Qlipoth Fort to discover a whole lot of worried people.
They're not just worried about him, they're worried about the fact that the weird person who's been attacking people can apparently overpower a Silvermane Captain. He makes his reports. Gepard frets that Pela or Lady Bronya might have seen through him - he doesn't know if they'll make connection that the guy who tried to crack open a cold one (him having been cold at the time) and the guy who helped him afterwards was the same person...? It's unlikely because it makes no logic or sense, but it's still possible...
Well.
He gets told to see a doctor. He says he will, eventually. First things first; change, reassure people that he's not dead, and then check his paperwork to make sure there's no surprises, and then maybe put off lunch to go reassure people some more, and then he can eat. And then doctor after that.
In the pocket of his coat is his phone. And there's a simple message on his phone. A simple Hi. And a winky smiley face. Gepard stares at it for a moment.]
Hello.
[...]
:)
[...okay, so maybe he can reshuffle his priorities a little...doctor in the afternoon, but earlier in the afternoon, and maybe he can eat lunch while dealing with paperwork...]
[While Gepard was busy putting out various metaphorical fires and reassuring everyone who knows him that he did not, in fact, perish on the cold streets of Belobog last night, Sampo has had to do something that he hadn't done in quite some time-- get groceries. Because apparently he's made a deal with a guard captain to provide meals, and that means that he'll actually have to have real people food to work with to make that happen.]
[He's in the middle of finishing up something for lunch when he gets the texts from Gepard-- a simple little hello and a cute smiley face. He's surprised that Gepard knows how to use emojis! They're on such a backwater planet that they only recently even started using smartphones at all, and here the good Captain is, embracing texting lingo. Sampo should be proud.]
If it isn't my favorite Captain! Sounds like you survived being interrogated by all of your colleagues. I hope they didn't give you too hard of a time.
[He can imagine that it was probably a pretty big deal. If your Captain disappears overnight when you send him on a mission to catch a criminal, it's kind of a problem!]
[Now, he hadn't expected to get a response so soon. (So soon being defined as any time in the next few hours.) Gepard smiles at his phone, and then catches himself smiling at his phone like an idiot, and then he scowls at his phone - not because he doesn't like Figaro (he does) or because he likes the message (he does), so much as to remind himself that one of the points of leaving was to reestablish appropriate boundaries and to stop thinking with his dick.]
No, not yet.
[He's a favorite...shouldn't take it to heart, but, he will because he has no choice.]
I had a great deal to catch up on so I haven't had the time yet. This is normal for me.
Well, aren't you a lucky boy, then? I'll bring lunch to you. I could bring it through the front door, but you'd have to let your men know to let me through. Or I can take a different route, but you'll have to unlock your office window.
[So he can either do things the nice and proper way, or do things the sneaky criminal way! Your choice, Gepard, how do you want your food delivered?]
[He's already in the process of getting it all packed up while he waits for the reply, tucking it into a thermal lunchbox so that it won't go cold in the freezing Belobog weather. One thing he has to give these Belobogians credit for-- they really figured out how to insulate things really well. It takes a pretty impressive feat of engineering to make a thermos that keeps your coffee hot for ten hours straight even when you're in sub-zero temperatures.]
Don't make me wait too long for an answer, or I'll have to start making assumptions. :)
[Now, he doesn't intend on making Figaro wait. It's just...
Someone calls out to him. Captain Landau! And he ends up in a brief meeting (a very casual thing, not an official thing) in which he has to discuss tentative further plans for dealing with The Really Weird Thief. Just a quick touching base to make sure that the Silvermane Guard is properly mobilized for tonight and that they won't need him there, and he...
...agrees, he should rest, which makes everyone worried, and the meeting is just a bit longer.
Which leads to him trudging back to his office, which leads to Gepard contemplating if he should go see the doctor because something's clearly wrong with him if he's accepted taking hte night off, which leads to him thumping in his chair, which leads to him checking his phone...]
I'm sorry for taking so long. I'll inform the men and tell them to let you through. I hope this isn't too late?
Oh, don't worry about it, I worked it all out already! Just come up to your office, don't say anything to your men.
[He'd had to work it out quite quickly, too, because a certain someone kept him waiting. He would've liked a little more notice if he'd had to make a daring window entrance, because it was really a little bit precarious to have to jimmy the lock and hold all of the food at the same time, but he managed. He's a very talented man, he wouldn't let a little thing like gravity slow him down!]
[So he's waiting in Gepard's office, the main door still locked, with the good Captain's lunch all plated out for him. He's not entirely sure about Gepard's lunch preferences just yet, since he wasn't given much to go on, but he's gone for an old reliable-- a fried olm sandwich with pickles and slaw on a buttery brioche bun, fried potato wedges and a buttermilk biscuit as sides. A bottle of that horrific rye soda that everyone loves around here to drink. If there's one small mercy that Sampo has for being on a blood-only diet, it's that he has an excuse to never have to drink that.]
[Instead, it's hot water from a thermos for him today. Something to put in his stomach so that the cravings aren't quite so bad. He's thinking of going to the butcher's later today, to see if he can get fresh pig's blood and say that it's for a blood pudding or something. It still doesn't quite do it for him, but it's the closest to human that he can get without actually tapping a neck.]
Hello, honey. [He says it when the door closes behind Gepard, for the sake of the good Captain's sensibilities.] Lunch is ready!
[It took a lot to keep from running to his office. Gepard manages a walk. A good, solid walk, one that has enough purpose to keep people from pulling him aside, not so much that people wondered what was going on. A determined walk.
He enters his office slowly and freezes at the sight of...
Not Figaro, not exactly. (He really needs to find out the guy's name. He can't keep on thinking of him forever.) But rather, at the food. His gaze immediately drops to the sandwich, slides to the potato wedgies, is that a biscuit? That appears to be a biscuit. And a soda? Not...coffee so old that it threatens to crawl up his stomach, not because it tastes bad so much as that it's gained sentience, but a crisp rye soda. Then back to the sandwich.
Gepard's stomach gurgles quietly. He doesn't notice. He just walks to the food, transfixed. Figaro could lunge at him and rip open his throat and he'd thank him, probably.
But no, no, Gepard glances up at him and he should be pointing out that breaking into his office is a very bad idea.]
I could marry you. [The captain breathes that out instead. His stomach gurgles, slightly louder, and Gepard reaches for one of the potato wedges, hesitates, grabs it, looks at Figaro again as if asking for permission (he is) and then he takes a bite. And.
Hold on.
It's delicious, standards are low but it's amazing, give him a moment.
[All of the food is even still warm, because Figaro is just that good. And the potato wedges even have a side of that horrible mayonnaise-based dressing that everyone around here likes, because nothing in Belobog can't be dairy-based, apparently. Gepard should be proposing marriage to him, he's brought him a handmade lunch with little notice and even went through his damned window to do it because he got stuck in a meeting. Sampo would be an incredible fake husband.]
[Gepard takes one bite of the potato wedges-- they're crispy on the outside and soft on the inside, as a good fried potato should be-- and looks like the hand of Qlipoth themself came down to bless him. It's flattering, really. And grateful is a good look on such a handsome face.]
So you could marry me but I can't call you honey? That feels unfair. I could call you dear instead. Baby? Darling? Sweetheart?
[He's got a million pet names in that awful little brain of his, Gepard. These are the mild ones, he could keep going and get to the really terrible, stupid ones. Sugarbear. Honeybun. Sugartits. The moon of his delight. Don't make him get creative.]
I don't really know what you like, so I had to make some guesses. Feel free to give me some direction. I could try to gather some intel about you, but that usually weirds people out a little bit.
[Because that's called stalking, Sampo, and it's illegal in most places. Not that that ever stops him, but Gepard might object to him stalking both himself and his family to get information about what kind of dinners he likes best, even if his intentions are benign.]
[He eats the potato with reverence. It's the best potato wedges he's had in a long time, which...on one hand, there's not that much competition. He's had potato recently, it wasn't that good. On the other hand, they're really good, and if Gepard was drunk this would be the point in which he'd try to pin Figaro against a wall and murmur sweet nothings into his ear. They're good. And they're hot, somehow delivered into his office, and he didn't have to pay for them: that makes them better.
Which means he's at a disadvantage, which means he just wrinkles his nose at Figaro instead of kicking him out of his office because this is illegal and he shouldn't be commiting crimes on top of all of the other crimes.]
That just makes me feel like I need to give you a nickname, and I refuse to use a pet name for a man whose real name I still don't know.
[Okay, he's trying the sandwich-
Gepard's eyes light up. He smiles, unable to hold it back. He takes a moment to say-]
This is...delicious, you're a very good cook-
[And gets back to stuffing it into his face with the same resolve of a Silvermane Guard slamming down lunch ASAP, just in case something happens and they get interrupted, stop him before he chokes on olm.]
[Who could've guessed that fried potatoes are the way to Gepard Landau's heart, and possibly also his pants? Not Sampo, that's for sure. He expected to be met with gratitude for his lunch delivery services, but being pressed up against a wall and seduced would certainly be quite the tip for all of his hard work. He might not even object, not when the man getting him up against a hard surface is as handsome as Gepard.]
Aw, don't be like that, sweet thing. Figaro's as good a name as any, but you can call me whatever you like.
[Well, Gepard isn't in a mood for very long, not after he takes a bit of that sandwich. Olm is a fair enough substitute for chicken and has a very similar taste and texture when fried, and when Gepard takes a bite? His whole face lights up. And, sure, Sampo knows that things are a little rough in ol' Belobog, but just how badly has Gepard been eating this whole time if a fried olm sandwich sends him to the moon? If this is all that it takes to impress him, than the good Captain's really going to be getting down on one knee after Sampo makes him dinner. He'll make a roast so good that Gepard is going to start picking out rings.]
I am, thanks for noticing, but you don't have to inhale it. It's not going to get up and run away!
[Gepard probably does have to eat quickly when he's on the front lines, in case something happens and he has to put down whatever he's doing, but he's not out there right now. He's in the safety of the city, and he can take five minutes to eat without shoving it all down his gullet like it'll be taken from him if he's too slow.]
[His nose wrinkles at sweet thing, and under different circumstances this would be the point in which he'd aim a kick at Figaro. (These circumstances would entail less blood drinking, for starters. Also knowing him as Sampo and not as Figaro. And also, a less effective bribe. These are not those circumstanes, so Figaro's shin remains un-kicked.)
Gepard does roll his eyes, though. It's hard to be annoyed - he's got delicious food, but by gosh is he trying.]
You're right, I should savor it...
[...is he bold enough for this? Is he?]
...babe. [Immediate regrets! His ears flush red! As does his cheeks! Why did he say that? He buries himself in a delicious fucking sandwich, which isn't hard, eating...slower, because someone actually made food for him and he didn- well, he's going to pay for it, but later. Mumble mumble, chomp, chew, swallow.]
[Well, Gepard tries to be bold, at least. Babe is a very entry-level sort of pet name, a beginner’s pick. A classic, but uncreative — C-, see him after class.]
[Sampo smiles indulgently at him as he tries to hide his embarrassment with his food. It’s not even a little bit successful, because a mere sandwich can’t hide how his face and ears flame red. It’s kind of cute, really.]
See, that wasn’t so hard, was it? A little unoriginal, but it’s a start!
[He sits his ass on the edge of Gepard’s desk, perching there while he opens his thermos and pours out some hot water to drink. Does basically nothing for him, again, but it’s something to do with his hands and it helps distract from the fact that he’s essentially got lunch sitting three feet away and can’t touch.]
While you’re here and I have some of your attention, how do you want to do dinner? If you don’t plan on working late, it might be easier for me to prepare it at your place. Less to lug around.
[Why is Figaro commenting on it, why is he paying attention to the pet name, why is he calling it a start, why does it feel like he made a major mistake and has no idea how to fix this...
But then Figaro offers a better(?) topic and Gepard latches onto it, a little at a loss as to how to deal with it.]
...I hadn't thought that far. [He wipes a bit of sauce from his cheek with a thumb, and then sucks it off of his finger, thinking for a moment.]
I'm not working late - I'm taking the night off. Everyone was very concerned. But are you sure you want to come over? My place is rather...well. Barren. But I don't mind having you over.
You did disappear for the night, so I guess they're right to be worried.
[Sure, he was fine, and in surprisingly safe hands, all things considered, but his colleagues had no way of knowing that at the time. For all they knew, Gepard could've been dead in a ditch somewhere, or kidnapped by a crazed stalker. Luckily for all of Belobog, he was just having a nap at a vampire's safe house.]
[Sampo shrugs and takes a sip of his water. Gepard smells delicious, better now that he's pleased and fed, and Sampo is very hungry. They're alone. People don't make a habit of bothering the captain of the guard, and his office is at the end of the hall. If he moved quickly--]
[He shakes his head, getting rid of those thoughts. Gepard asked him a question, anyway, he should respond.] It's fine, I don't mind. You've seen what my place looks like! If you really don't want me there, though, I can just figure out how to make a delivery.
[It's just a little harder to pack up a whole roast or something and bring it over. Lunch is a more portable meal in general.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[He's imagining some lady, of course, because Gepard only seems to respond to his flirting with bewildered offense. And while that's not a surefire test as to whether a man is interested in other men or not, it's a data point to the contrary.]
If it would cause so many problems, I guess you'll just have to make sure that you won't ever need my help, right?
[He places a hand dramatically over his heart.] Otherwise, I'll have to start following you into the Fragmentum to keep an eye on you. But don't worry, you won't even know that I'm there! Not until I have to do the whole saving the day thing, at least.
[He could do it. He's an Emanator, there isn't much in the Fragmentum that would really give him pause. He could handle a few monsters, especially if they try to make mincemeat out of his handsome meal ticket.]
no subject
Very funny.
[Because what kind of person could talk about crawling inside of the Fragmentum with the same ease someone else would talk about pissing in a public toilet? What sort of person could hide undetected up until the point that he was needed to save the day? No one, that's who.
...it's fine. A joke for a joke.]
If you do end up saving me I'll be sure to show my appreciation. I have enough sway - I'll convince the Supreme Guardian to throw a parade in your honor. [Belobog's appreciation more than his appreciation, but same difference.]
no subject
[Let Gepard think that it's a joke, up until the very moment that he thinks his ticket is punched and there's a handsome rogue there at the very last second. Perfect timing, right on script.]
Oh, no, nothing like that, that's not my style. [He waves a hand dismissively.] All that vanity! It's kind of gauche, isn't it? I'd prefer cold, hard cash. I'm sure you could convince your Supreme Guardian to give me a nice reward for saving her favorite captain!
[For him to have that much sway with her, that he'd joke about how she'd do as he asks... maybe he's aiming high with his affections, and that's why no one else has snapped him up. Well, good for him for being ambitious. From what little he's seen of her, Miss Bronya would be a nice catch for anybody, especially a well-born captain.]
no subject
So, Gepard settles back into...well, being himself. Captain Gepard Landau. He knows how to be himself. So, really, this is just business as usual, which is what he should've done instead of-
Anyway. Anyway, Gepard takes another drink of the coffee, slow and measured, and reminds himself that he's sitting across from a criminal - one who deserves to not starve, one who deserves to not be hungry, one who's- anyway. Anyway.]
There's easier ways to make money than to stalk me everywhere I go in the hopes I get into an accident, Figaro.
[And what he should do: finish breakfast, change back into his clothes, report, see a doctor, and go about his day. He'll have to figure out a way to feed Figaro, but that can wait until later, at leisure. And that's not even getting into the mounds of paperwork waiting for him, or the fact he simply can't announce, "The criminal has been caught no more people will be attacked!" He'll still have to do patrols, and-
Gepard bites back a curse, more of an inhaled breath than it is a noise, and gets to stuffing the pastry in his mouth.]
We should work out plans before I go. I'll inevitably have to do patrols to catch you - that might be the best opportunity for us to meet up in the future for your feeding.
[You know, something relatively impersonal - business, not pleasure.]
no subject
[He'd really rather that his meal ticket didn't lose any blood. That's literally taking food out of his mouth, after all, and the Captain is a kind of charming man. He'd hate to see that pretty face get marked up by some nasty beastie.]
[But if he did have to step in, and they're talking about rewards from grateful Supreme Guardians, well... he might as well get paid.]
Give me your phone, I'll put my number in. [Aren't you lucky, Gepard? You get to have his number. You can text him whenever you want.] We can coordinate whenever you're on patrol.
[Have a lively little chase, get Gepard away from the rest of his men, and Sampo can nip in for his meal. It's like having a lunch date, except that if anyone found out about it, there would be a lot of very difficult questions.]
Ah, if you're going to chase after me, I'll have to be in disguise when I bring your meals. Otherwise, if one of your guardsmen sees me while on patrol with you, I'll never be allowed near you again. They'll just try to arrest me on sight!
no subject
Gepard then pats his pocket. He then glances down with alarm, because where the hell is his phone, and then he remembers the events of the last 24 hours. The restful sleep in the terrible bed. The fact he's wearing a strange man's clothes. Gepard touches his neck, he remembers the biting thing. He looks at Figaro again.]
...I don't have my phone with me. [It's really hard to act like a Silvermane Captain when he fails basic things like that.] In fact, I'm pretty sure...hold on.
[He gets up from the table-] Wait right here. [-retreats back to the bedroom, finds his stuff, fishes his wallet out from his normal clothes, and flips through it as he walks back in and settles back in his seat like they're friends and Figaro's not just in it for the benefits.]
Ah. [Ah. That gets slid across the table to Figaro.] I even was issued a fake ID...in case something like last night happened, but I didn't feel like cooperating with the suspect. See? [The identification proclaims that the owner is one Johan Smith. No picture, and he's two inches shorter than the information on the card, and the information implies that he's five years older than he actually is, but it's functional enough and reusable.] But I can write down my number for you?
no subject
[Gepard returns with no phone but with a fake ID, and Sampo takes a look at it for a moment. It’s a convincing fake, of course, because it’s not really a forgery— has all the watermarks and security features of a real government-issued identification card. It’s just falso info, a man who doesn’t really exist.]
Well, I guess it wouldn’t make sense for you to be walking around with your badge in your pocket.
[Sampo takes out his own phone and opens up a new contact prompt, entering the name in as New Snack. Maybe one day he’ll get upgraded to Tasty New Snack.]
Just tell me your number and I’ll add you in.
[Sorry, Captain, he doesn’t trust you enough to hand his phone over to you.]
no subject
But that's besides the point. The point is that he had expected something like writing down his number on a piece of paper and Figaro later, at leisure, putting into his phone. He hadn't expected being immediately added to his contacts. More importantly, though, Gepard peers...
...at the phone case. (Look.)]
Is that you on it?
[That sure looks like a cartoon Figaro on a bike with a bomb on his head! This is besides the point, but when the hot dude with unique dietary restrictions does something like that, it gets your attention, okay?]
Is that a bomb? [He gestures for Figaro to tilt it up so he can get a better look at it because somehow, he hadn't expected this? He wasn't sure what he had expected, perhaps something more barren and inhospitable like the hideaway they were in, not something...charming.]
no subject
What, can't a guy have a cute thing? A lot of people have personalized phone cases.
[His does happen to have a little cartoon picture of himself on a scooter with a bomb, but he's allowed to have whatever he wants on his phone case. It's a free city-state or whatever the hell Belobog counts as.]
Aren't you supposed to be giving me your number now?
[Focus, Gepard. Give the attractive vampire man your phone number so that he can send you text messages and call you for totally platonic and food-related reasons.]
no subject
...accidents.
But then Figaro says that and he glances at him, and Gepard blushes, blinking like he's a child who was caught with his hand in a cookie jar. Give phone number to marginally acceptable vampire man, get out, reestablish boundaries, keep calls and texts to strictly business and impersonal reasons, yes, he remembers.]
Oh. Right.
[He wants to say, "My sister Lynx has a phone case that has the three of us - I've got two sisters- the three of us as cats. She looked up what a Gepard was and it's apparently some kind of quick giant cat that went extinct when the Eternal Freeze happened?" Or something like that. But no, he has to focus. Now is not the time to share personal anecdotes.]
Sorry. My number is [insert number here. And then he hesitates, before glancing towards the outdoors. Because it's late. He slept past his normal morning hour.] I should leave...if I stay too much later it'll cause even more problems for you, and you've already got more than enough as is without me adding to them.
no subject
[And maybe Gepard's better off not telling him too much just yet. Maybe it would be wiser for him not to immediately trust the blood-sucking parasite that he's decided to aid.]
Got it! I'll send you a text. [He shoots one off, just a simple Hi ;) so that Gepard will have his number when he retrieves his phone again.]
Aha, don't I know it. [Problems galore, Captain, you don't know the half of it. But that's for Sampo to know and Gepard to... probably never find out, if he can help it. The good Captain doesn't need to know about all the weirdness that happens to Figaro.] We can talk later about our game plan, right? Ol' Figaro is just a phone call away. You shouldn't keep your men waiting, though, otherwise they'll have a lot of questions for you!
no subject
He arrives back at Qlipoth Fort to discover a whole lot of worried people.
They're not just worried about him, they're worried about the fact that the weird person who's been attacking people can apparently overpower a Silvermane Captain. He makes his reports. Gepard frets that Pela or Lady Bronya might have seen through him - he doesn't know if they'll make connection that the guy who tried to crack open a cold one (him having been cold at the time) and the guy who helped him afterwards was the same person...? It's unlikely because it makes no logic or sense, but it's still possible...
Well.
He gets told to see a doctor. He says he will, eventually. First things first; change, reassure people that he's not dead, and then check his paperwork to make sure there's no surprises, and then maybe put off lunch to go reassure people some more, and then he can eat. And then doctor after that.
In the pocket of his coat is his phone. And there's a simple message on his phone. A simple Hi. And a winky smiley face. Gepard stares at it for a moment.]
Hello.
[...]
:)
[...okay, so maybe he can reshuffle his priorities a little...doctor in the afternoon, but earlier in the afternoon, and maybe he can eat lunch while dealing with paperwork...]
no subject
[He's in the middle of finishing up something for lunch when he gets the texts from Gepard-- a simple little hello and a cute smiley face. He's surprised that Gepard knows how to use emojis! They're on such a backwater planet that they only recently even started using smartphones at all, and here the good Captain is, embracing texting lingo. Sampo should be proud.]
If it isn't my favorite Captain! Sounds like you survived being interrogated by all of your colleagues. I hope they didn't give you too hard of a time.
[He can imagine that it was probably a pretty big deal. If your Captain disappears overnight when you send him on a mission to catch a criminal, it's kind of a problem!]
Did you get anything for lunch yet?
no subject
No, not yet.
[He's a favorite...shouldn't take it to heart, but, he will because he has no choice.]
I had a great deal to catch up on so I haven't had the time yet. This is normal for me.
no subject
[So he can either do things the nice and proper way, or do things the sneaky criminal way! Your choice, Gepard, how do you want your food delivered?]
[He's already in the process of getting it all packed up while he waits for the reply, tucking it into a thermal lunchbox so that it won't go cold in the freezing Belobog weather. One thing he has to give these Belobogians credit for-- they really figured out how to insulate things really well. It takes a pretty impressive feat of engineering to make a thermos that keeps your coffee hot for ten hours straight even when you're in sub-zero temperatures.]
Don't make me wait too long for an answer, or I'll have to start making assumptions. :)
no subject
Someone calls out to him. Captain Landau! And he ends up in a brief meeting (a very casual thing, not an official thing) in which he has to discuss tentative further plans for dealing with The Really Weird Thief. Just a quick touching base to make sure that the Silvermane Guard is properly mobilized for tonight and that they won't need him there, and he...
...agrees, he should rest, which makes everyone worried, and the meeting is just a bit longer.
Which leads to him trudging back to his office, which leads to Gepard contemplating if he should go see the doctor because something's clearly wrong with him if he's accepted taking hte night off, which leads to him thumping in his chair, which leads to him checking his phone...]
I'm sorry for taking so long. I'll inform the men and tell them to let you through. I hope this isn't too late?
no subject
[He'd had to work it out quite quickly, too, because a certain someone kept him waiting. He would've liked a little more notice if he'd had to make a daring window entrance, because it was really a little bit precarious to have to jimmy the lock and hold all of the food at the same time, but he managed. He's a very talented man, he wouldn't let a little thing like gravity slow him down!]
[So he's waiting in Gepard's office, the main door still locked, with the good Captain's lunch all plated out for him. He's not entirely sure about Gepard's lunch preferences just yet, since he wasn't given much to go on, but he's gone for an old reliable-- a fried olm sandwich with pickles and slaw on a buttery brioche bun, fried potato wedges and a buttermilk biscuit as sides. A bottle of that horrific rye soda that everyone loves around here to drink. If there's one small mercy that Sampo has for being on a blood-only diet, it's that he has an excuse to never have to drink that.]
[Instead, it's hot water from a thermos for him today. Something to put in his stomach so that the cravings aren't quite so bad. He's thinking of going to the butcher's later today, to see if he can get fresh pig's blood and say that it's for a blood pudding or something. It still doesn't quite do it for him, but it's the closest to human that he can get without actually tapping a neck.]
Hello, honey. [He says it when the door closes behind Gepard, for the sake of the good Captain's sensibilities.] Lunch is ready!
no subject
He enters his office slowly and freezes at the sight of...
Not Figaro, not exactly. (He really needs to find out the guy's name. He can't keep on thinking of him forever.) But rather, at the food. His gaze immediately drops to the sandwich, slides to the potato wedgies, is that a biscuit? That appears to be a biscuit. And a soda? Not...coffee so old that it threatens to crawl up his stomach, not because it tastes bad so much as that it's gained sentience, but a crisp rye soda. Then back to the sandwich.
Gepard's stomach gurgles quietly. He doesn't notice. He just walks to the food, transfixed. Figaro could lunge at him and rip open his throat and he'd thank him, probably.
But no, no, Gepard glances up at him and he should be pointing out that breaking into his office is a very bad idea.]
I could marry you. [The captain breathes that out instead. His stomach gurgles, slightly louder, and Gepard reaches for one of the potato wedges, hesitates, grabs it, looks at Figaro again as if asking for permission (he is) and then he takes a bite. And.
Hold on.
It's delicious, standards are low but it's amazing, give him a moment.
...okay.]
Also, don't call me that.
no subject
[Gepard takes one bite of the potato wedges-- they're crispy on the outside and soft on the inside, as a good fried potato should be-- and looks like the hand of Qlipoth themself came down to bless him. It's flattering, really. And grateful is a good look on such a handsome face.]
So you could marry me but I can't call you honey? That feels unfair. I could call you dear instead. Baby? Darling? Sweetheart?
[He's got a million pet names in that awful little brain of his, Gepard. These are the mild ones, he could keep going and get to the really terrible, stupid ones. Sugarbear. Honeybun. Sugartits. The moon of his delight. Don't make him get creative.]
I don't really know what you like, so I had to make some guesses. Feel free to give me some direction. I could try to gather some intel about you, but that usually weirds people out a little bit.
[Because that's called stalking, Sampo, and it's illegal in most places. Not that that ever stops him, but Gepard might object to him stalking both himself and his family to get information about what kind of dinners he likes best, even if his intentions are benign.]
no subject
Which means he's at a disadvantage, which means he just wrinkles his nose at Figaro instead of kicking him out of his office because this is illegal and he shouldn't be commiting crimes on top of all of the other crimes.]
That just makes me feel like I need to give you a nickname, and I refuse to use a pet name for a man whose real name I still don't know.
[Okay, he's trying the sandwich-
Gepard's eyes light up. He smiles, unable to hold it back. He takes a moment to say-]
This is...delicious, you're a very good cook-
[And gets back to stuffing it into his face with the same resolve of a Silvermane Guard slamming down lunch ASAP, just in case something happens and they get interrupted, stop him before he chokes on olm.]
no subject
Aw, don't be like that, sweet thing. Figaro's as good a name as any, but you can call me whatever you like.
[Well, Gepard isn't in a mood for very long, not after he takes a bit of that sandwich. Olm is a fair enough substitute for chicken and has a very similar taste and texture when fried, and when Gepard takes a bite? His whole face lights up. And, sure, Sampo knows that things are a little rough in ol' Belobog, but just how badly has Gepard been eating this whole time if a fried olm sandwich sends him to the moon? If this is all that it takes to impress him, than the good Captain's really going to be getting down on one knee after Sampo makes him dinner. He'll make a roast so good that Gepard is going to start picking out rings.]
I am, thanks for noticing, but you don't have to inhale it. It's not going to get up and run away!
[Gepard probably does have to eat quickly when he's on the front lines, in case something happens and he has to put down whatever he's doing, but he's not out there right now. He's in the safety of the city, and he can take five minutes to eat without shoving it all down his gullet like it'll be taken from him if he's too slow.]
no subject
Gepard does roll his eyes, though. It's hard to be annoyed - he's got delicious food, but by gosh is he trying.]
You're right, I should savor it...
[...is he bold enough for this? Is he?]
...babe. [Immediate regrets! His ears flush red! As does his cheeks! Why did he say that? He buries himself in a delicious fucking sandwich, which isn't hard, eating...slower, because someone actually made food for him and he didn- well, he's going to pay for it, but later. Mumble mumble, chomp, chew, swallow.]
no subject
[Sampo smiles indulgently at him as he tries to hide his embarrassment with his food. It’s not even a little bit successful, because a mere sandwich can’t hide how his face and ears flame red. It’s kind of cute, really.]
See, that wasn’t so hard, was it? A little unoriginal, but it’s a start!
[He sits his ass on the edge of Gepard’s desk, perching there while he opens his thermos and pours out some hot water to drink. Does basically nothing for him, again, but it’s something to do with his hands and it helps distract from the fact that he’s essentially got lunch sitting three feet away and can’t touch.]
While you’re here and I have some of your attention, how do you want to do dinner? If you don’t plan on working late, it might be easier for me to prepare it at your place. Less to lug around.
no subject
But then Figaro offers a better(?) topic and Gepard latches onto it, a little at a loss as to how to deal with it.]
...I hadn't thought that far. [He wipes a bit of sauce from his cheek with a thumb, and then sucks it off of his finger, thinking for a moment.]
I'm not working late - I'm taking the night off. Everyone was very concerned. But are you sure you want to come over? My place is rather...well. Barren. But I don't mind having you over.
no subject
[Sure, he was fine, and in surprisingly safe hands, all things considered, but his colleagues had no way of knowing that at the time. For all they knew, Gepard could've been dead in a ditch somewhere, or kidnapped by a crazed stalker. Luckily for all of Belobog, he was just having a nap at a vampire's safe house.]
[Sampo shrugs and takes a sip of his water. Gepard smells delicious, better now that he's pleased and fed, and Sampo is very hungry. They're alone. People don't make a habit of bothering the captain of the guard, and his office is at the end of the hall. If he moved quickly--]
[He shakes his head, getting rid of those thoughts. Gepard asked him a question, anyway, he should respond.] It's fine, I don't mind. You've seen what my place looks like! If you really don't want me there, though, I can just figure out how to make a delivery.
[It's just a little harder to pack up a whole roast or something and bring it over. Lunch is a more portable meal in general.]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)